No Worries!

WOW!

It is amazing what even a little sleep will help. So no worries about my last post. I am feeling much better now that the sun is up and my brain is rested. I went a little crazy in the middle of the night. I am not going to delete the post because it is my journal as well, and those things are always funny to go back and read. But I am coping with my issues much better at this moment. And I will take my life one day at a time. And just keep doing my best. So no need to bother yourself with reading my crazy hormonal rage. Hey, it happens to the best of us!!

Who Am I?

So it is 2:14 a.m. and I can't sleep. Quin woke up screaming and I went in to comfort him from what appears to be a bad dream. As I rocked him for the past half hour my mind has been racing with self deprecating thoughts. I just spent that past four days with the Young Women in our ward at girls camp. Trying to build them up and strengthen them. Why is it I can't seem to listen to my own advise and words of wisdom. Why don't I see myself always as a beautiful Daughter of God? What's the saying? "God doesn't make junk." Or whatever that is. Do I think of myself as junk? No. But I struggle with my potential that I know that I am not living up to.

Why do I put unrealistic expectations on myself? Maybe because I don't feel they are unrealistic. Maybe I feel like I should be awesome at everything. I am always saying that I want to take my little family and go live in the mountains. See if I did that then I would not only be protecting my children from all the worldly and outside influences of the world, but I would also be protecting myself. The need to "keep up" or compete would no longer be there. And when I say "keep up", it really has nothing to do with money or possessions.

I am sure there is a very hormonal background to my feelings right now. Not to mention it is 2 a.m. But I can't help but feel disappointed and upset with who I am right now. I want to be more!

One of my problems is that I am a blog stalker. I really don't stalk near as much as it may sound. But there are a few blogs out there of complete strangers, or friends of friends that I stalk. This was one of the reasons that I was not going to start a blog. Because I never wanted anyone to read or look at my blog and think that they don't measure up. I am not saying that because I think everyone would be envious of me. I say that because I was and still am envious of so many others! I look at things I should be doing or at least think I should be doing. I see beautiful women serving their families in ways I wish I could serve mine better. I see children who look happy and have probably never been yelled at. I see vacations, family gatherings, and traditions that I feel like I should be providing my family. I read about all their accomplishments and triumphs. This does not help me feel like the person I want to be. Isn't it interesting that the blogs that make me envious are the ones of people that I don't know. That the blogs of my friends just make me feel happy for them. I am not sure what this means but it is interesting.

I am also a neat freak. Although you would not be able to tell if you were to look at my house, car, yard, and garage. I can't seem to keep everything in order. Why do I find pleasure when I walk into someone else's home and see messes all over their counter tops and dust on their bathroom baseboards? That is terrible!! But actually it would make me feel a little better. Because right now, most of the homes I do go in are near perfection. Maybe I should get new friends. That might make me feel better! I don't want to be the woman who fusses about what her house looks like while in the meantime her kids are growing up and leaving the house. Why can't I have both???

I feel like I am a little selfish as well. Sometimes I am not a good sharer. And sometimes I am not very good at giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Why can't my heart be more giving and selfless. I really would do anything for people that needed me, but sometimes I feel like I should get something in return. I try so hard not to. But there is a little part of me that keeps score. Not always!! But sometimes and with certain people. That is bad!!

I also want to be the mom that cherishes every moment of my children's life. I feel this HUGE sense of urgency right now. I feel like they will be gone in no time and I am running out of time to fill them with all that they need to be filled with. I am running out of time to sit and read with them, play games, color with them, and just talk with them individually. I feel like I am always engaged in something else rather then them. And they aren't going to be around forever!

I also don't want to be what I fear others may think of me. I had someone very close to me say in a public setting to "not tell Julie secrets because she can't keep them". I laughed and joked after that comment because I know it wasn't meant to hurt me. But man did it hurt. Funny thing is I can't remember ever spilling a secret of hers. I know that I have spilled some in my day, but they were completely accidental and not very "secretive" secrets. So she is right to an extent. But I feel terrible that that is what people think of me. I thought that was one of the few things I was good at. I thought I was always a great person to talk to because I was always so loyal and trustworthy. I guess not. I have had some other experiences lately that make me realize that I am, deep deep down, not who I want to be. No murderous thoughts or anything like that. But just not who I want to be.

I also wish that I could have dinner on the table every night at 6. That my children were all in piano lessons. I wish I could exercise 5 days a week and have results to show for it. I wish I could volunteer at the school every week for an hour each kid. I wish I could prepare brilliant Sharing Times for Primary. I wish that I had time to iron clothes, organize closets, and sell things on Craigs list or ebay. I wish I could organize family reunions for both sides of our families. I wish, I wish, I wish. Will it end? And why is it giving me such anxiety?

I want to be more than what I am right now. I know I have so much more potential so why am I not living up to it. Or even getting close. I don't feel like my bar is too high. I feel like it is where everyone else's bar is. Or maybe where I think everyone's bar is. Truth is I KNOW I am capable of better work here on this earth. I am just not sure how I am going to do it. I am not looking to be little miss perfect. But I do want to be more. I would feel so much better if everyone that read this would comment and tell me what huge failures they are. But guess what I would NEVER believe you!! So please don't. This is truly an internal problem that I feel if I put out there in cyber world, and in my journal, it will help me fix my thoughts of not being able to "keep up" . There are so many inspiring women out there doing such inspiring things. I wish I was one of them. Hopefully in a week the hormones will settle and I will feel like the woman I am supposed to feel like. But for now, I am going to continue to figure out who I am and who I want to become without feeling sad about it.

YW Late Nighter

I have the privilege of having two callings in my church. Not only do I work in the Primary Presidency, but I am also the YW Camp Director. I miss working with the girls so if I can't be in there on a regular basis at least I have camp. Truth is I don't even really like camping. We started a tradition a couple years back of having an "overnighter" camp with the girls so that we could bond as a ward. Girls camp back then was strictly a Stake Camp and we didn't like that. So we started doing this. Well now that Girls Camp has changed a little bit and we leaders have gotten lazier we have switched it to a "late night". And it works out great.

This late night got started with a lot of hail coming down about 5 minutes after we started our fire. I was not about to let the hail take it over so I protected it with my umbrella. That's right, I took on smoke to no end just so the girls could cook their hot dogs. Was it worth it? I dunno!

I did get blasted out by the smoke so we decided to move an awning over. All for the hot dog.

We played some fun get to know you games. But the hit of the night was playing One Spot Harry. It is a very silly game that involves lipstick.

I do love these girls. I am glad I get to be with them for things like this.

Evan's Birthday

Evan is the only child of mine that does not like breakfast in bed. He wants to enjoy his food with everyone. So here he is the Birthday Boy!

My children aren't as spoiled as it may look in this picture. But this is the disaster that struck our house on his big day. And why not!!

Everyone loves to help open the presents!

Evan's birthday was on the same night as pack meeting. He was receiving his Bear award. So after a tasty dinner at Mongolian BBQ we headed to Scouts. We brought in a cake and had everyone sing to him.

They should actually pin Justin since he is the one that helps Evan with all that stuff.

This year we have started the tradition of doing birthday parties only on "even" birthdays. YAHOO for me!! Evan decided to invite four boys to come with us to Casa Bonita. If you haven't been there you should go. It is pretty much a landmark here in Colorado. The boys had a great time. Bad food, but good times!

All in all I think he had a great day! I sure do love and appreciate Evan! He is such a great help to me and his Dad. What a great leader we have in our home. He is funny, smart, sensitive, and very cool!!

Love you buddy!!

Family Fun Stuff!

Here is an assortment of pictures of things that have been going on in the early part of summer.

Our school puts on a carnival every year to raise money. It is a great success and a lot of fun. This year however it was very windy and at one point one of the big blow up obstacle courses blew completely over while kids were on it. There were kids flying every where. Poor little Quin almost got knocked over by it, but Daddy saved him. No one was seriously hurt, but it was a little scary.

My kids will never give up an opportunity to eat cotton candy.

And here is our Quin. He is about 20 months and can ride a scooter like nobodies business. I thought this was funny. This is what happens when you try to multi-task and get distracted. Don't worry, our neighbors have known for a long time that we are W.T.!

Parker Days is always the second week in June. We are usually at our family camp out during this week, but this year there was no family camp out. That is a whole different story. But the good news is we got to go to Parker Days. There is a Parade in the morning and then a carnival the rest of the weekend. Justin got to be in the parade and walk with the Republicans since he is an elected official. He was very proud and so were we!

Some of the fun stuff going on in the park. That is Owen jumping off that thing.

There's Evan flipping.

Avery and Owen enjoying a super exciting roller coaster that cost lots and lots of money to go around about three times!

Fun was had by all! It was a great day.

Sadie's Birthday and Rockies Stadium

Miss Sadie turned 9!!

Her day started out with breakfast in bed.

Everyone enjoys birthdays around here. They all wake up excited and early in anticipation for the big day.

For Sadie's Birthday she wanted money to go shopping with. So that was her gift this year. I mean really? Are we already starting that?

Sadie's class was going on a field trip the day of her birthday, so I insisted that I must go. The tour of the Rockies Stadium is a big one and not any parent can go. But because it was Sadie's birthday I got the golden ticket!

We had so much fun. This is the cute group of girls I got to hang with that day!

We had time to kill after eating lunch so the kids entertained themselves by trying to get cars on the highway to honk. They did this four about a half hour. Then we decided we better stop and just play some games.

It was such a fun day. I was so glad I was able to spend it with her. When we got home I took her out of school a little early and we went and spent her birthday money. She was so surprised how quickly her money was gone. And we even tried to bargain shop. It was a good lesson to her.

After our shopping trip Sadie picked California Pizza Kitchen for dinner. So the family headed out for some yummy pizza.

We love miss Sadie! She is an amazing girl. We are so proud of who she is and how she is always trying to choose the right. She is so honest, kind, sweet, and fun. Listening to her talk is a treat. As long as you have the time!

Love you Sadie!!

Field Day, Last Day, and First Day

No I am not trying to play catch up. These events really do happen with in weeks of each other. Living in a place that has TONS of kids is awesome for our family. However, we have to deal with year round schools to accommodate everyone. So this is the kind of stuff we deal with. We start with field day.

Sadie class is team green!

Avery's class is team yellow!

Are those not the cutest first graders you've ever seen!

Sadie and the fun group of girls in her class. Such good kids!

Evan's class is team red!

(Doesn't the parachute just take you back?)

Evan's team won the relay!

Saying goodbye to Mrs. Garing

Goodbye for Evan to Ms. Keppers. But hello Sadie. Ms. Keepers gets round two with Sadie.

And then there is Ms. Rengers/Mrs. Binum. We have had her for two years in a row. We LOVE her so much. We all were actually crying when this picture was taken. She will always be special to the Williams family. Can't wait for the next year when it will be Avery's turn.

First Day of School 2009-2010

I always take a picture of them on the front porch and every year they are squinting. Can you tell what way our house faces? I thought this picture was funny. Maybe one of these years it will be cloudy on the first day!

Sadie lining up for fourth grade. She has Ms. Keppers and is really excited because Evan has told her lots of good stuff.

Ms. Rengers/Mrs. Binum enters the playground and some of her old students run to her. Oh how they loved her! Again we all cried!

Miss Avery waiting in line to start 2nd grade. She is going into Mrs. Rousey's class. This is round 3 with Mrs. Rousey and we love her too! She is the sweetest teacher at Frontier Valley. Avery can't wait and neither can we!

Last but not least our 5th grader! What a handsome and good boy! Evan was elated when he found out he got Mrs. Gatewood! She is supposedly the "coolest" teacher at school. I am sure that is very debatable since I haven't seen one "uncool" teacher. But nonetheless, he is excited.

Here's to another school year! I vow to do my part with homework, volunteering, not procrastinating the science fair, keeping lunch accounts full, and making sure my kid doesn't get sent to the Principals office!

Fourth of July!!

Oh how I love the 4th!! What a great holiday. I love it for so many reasons. Top two reasons would be:

#1. We live in an amazing country! I feel so much pride and gratitude for our founding fathers and all those who have fought in the name of Liberty for this beautiful United States of America!

#2 It's summertime and it just doesn't get better than that!

Sadie and KenaDee were reunited this weekend. The Anderson family came to be with us and it was so much fun having them!! We are so glad they came.

The Anderson kids.

Ryan Anderson, the Master of the firework show!

Christin and Corbijn

Our Church does a 4th of July breakfast every year. It is always a good time. This year the Bishop challenged the youth to participate in a "Beat the Bishop" 5k. Sadie and Evan participated. The above picture is Sadie and KenaDee (in her flip flops) running with the Bishop who went back up the route to get stragglers after he made his strong finish! (BTW- he did get beat by quite a few talented young men.)

Evan completing the race.

(I want to warn you, if you enlarge this picture, you do so at your own risk!)

There is always a bike parade for all the kids. No rhyme or reason to it. Just pure fun. All the kids decorated bikes and scooters. Mr. Quin has become quite the scooter rider. He is only 21 months and can totally ride this thing!

Here he is in action.

They're off!

Owen so proud that he is without training wheels this year! I can't tell you how much he loves his bike. I should do a post just on him and his bike. It is an amazing motivator I'll just say that!

We had big plans to go to the pool and enjoy the summer, but mother nature had different plans for us. It was cloudy and around 4:00 it started to rain. The rain lasted for about 3.5 hours. We did a little BBQing and talking with friends. And then just in time to get ready for fireworks it stopped. Thank goodness. We have a great view of the Town of Parker fireworks right out of our cul de sac. So we watched those and then enjoyed fireworks in our cul de sac. One of our neighbors went all out and put on a show that was just about as good as a typical firework show. The money and time he must of put into that is crazy!

We stayed up way too late that night, but it was such a great night. Just as it should be. I am not only grateful to live in this great Nation. But I am so grateful to live in a place like this where my kids can have memories of wonderful times!